If you've been reading my blogs you know that I've been in that DABDA cycle over some seriously painful shit for the past few months. I've had to rely heavily on my tools to navigate, and it's only by Grace that I have any fucking tools to begin with.
When we live our lives in a perpetual cycle of victim-hood and self pity, addiction and blame, we are doomed to stay in a place of desperation and darkness. The thoughts feed upon themselves like cracked out mice, running around inside our psyches. No wonder why many of us in the addicted world contemplate suicide. It seems like a logical choice, when you're in it. THAT, is the lie of addiction and mental illness: It will always be this way.
Crawling out of those neuropathways, or samskaras, as we refer to them in yoga, takes time. It's a process, not an event. It's a lifestyle, not an immediate gratification hit. Time takes time. Godammit.
When we start to truly embrace that we must LIVE our way into a new way of thinking, and not the opposite, the chrysalis of transformation begins to form. While in the process of shedding the old way of being, the new way of being has not yet manifested. We can feel utterly lost and rudderless. This is the seed of Grace.
"The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Be patient, and stay the course." -Fabienne Fredrikson
As we stay the course, remain committed to our wellbeing, seek out the help that we need, and nurture the connection to our people who love us enough to call bullshit on us, we witness unfolding Grace. There is NOTHING like it, in my opinion. It is better than any drug, any purchase, any accomplishment, because it's pure. It's not of human creation.
I bear witness to Grace in my life, in the life of my children, my clients, my students and myself.
Trust the process, but take action. If you need help, reach out. If you need to talk to someone who gets it, yet will call bullshit as needed, I'm here, in Grace.